I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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