you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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