I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
