he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
