first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
