Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize