My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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