Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
