finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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