all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
