I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
