I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
