Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
