he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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