I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
