allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
operation harelip BJ is a go
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
