I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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