she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
