So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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