I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
