i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
