yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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