im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
