I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
