I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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