What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
