My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
