Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
