i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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