it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
