My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
