you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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