suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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