there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
