Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
