dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
