he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well you can't waste a boner
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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