it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
