i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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