$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
