I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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