worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
