maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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