I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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