I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
