i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
