the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
