i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I will pee on everything he values.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
