I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
