I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
