i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
