Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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