my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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