I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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