As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
