I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
