Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
