Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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