dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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