fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I forget how to act sober
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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