I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
