I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
