he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
