I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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