apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
