all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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