1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
