so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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