Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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