I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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