Fuck appropriateness.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
