I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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