Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
